This seems like a good place to start, since it's exactly the first thing that hits you when you are separating or divorcing and have kids. For most of us, I'm sure this was actually an unwelcome event... or unwelcome events led up to it. And here we are... suddenly single parenting. We didn't sign up to do this alone, we haven't had to until the breakdown of our relationship with the co-parent, so now what??
Did anyone else feel this? Trauma. Crisis. Survival Mode. Shock. Overwhelm. Helpless. Weak. Freak out.
For those still in these stages, it does get better. You can't always see it when you are in it. But you will make it through. Because you have little one(s) you are doing this for.
So... here are some of the hardest things that I felt and that nobody really understands unless they have gone through something similar...
** the grief of losing a partner, but also the grief of losing a life I thought we'd have and continue to build together
** no parenting partner to discuss/vent/support at the end of the day (particularly regarding parenting, but also in general)
** coping with broken-hearted children as they navigate divorce AT THE SAME EXACT TIME that I was trying to cope with the divorce
** mentally, physically, financially, exhausted - complete lack of energy in all areas
** establishing and maintaining rules and boundaries with my kids when I didn't have the energy or know-how to do so on my own. Suddenly parenting felt so foreign even though I'd had 7yrs under my belt
** "advice" and "instruction" from loving friends and family that truly didn't understand or know what their words felt like (often made me feel more alone and not at all understood)
** suddenly having to find a new space to call home, and living on 1 income.
** balancing my needs, my kids needs, working full-time, parenting full-time (even though they were with their dad 50%), and maintaining a household (groceries, errands, laundry, cleaning, etc) with small children
** dating. Relationships. Fears of being alone. Fears of dipping back into dating as an adult when I hadn't done much prior to being married. (these thoughts came much later, but still freaking hard!)
** Trying to put kids first and not use them to negotiate with their dad... and trying not to throw him under the bus (he is still my kids' father, and they love him even if I felt differently. This is a big important one! But so hard when you're hurting.)
There are definitely a lot of positive things now that I'm through a lot of the initial hard stuff, but these were things that I felt strongly. I wanted you to know you aren't alone. These things are common. And they can be navigated.
Any particular point you'd like to further discuss? The how's, why's, or simply adding more to the list? Would love an interactive discussion!
Stay tuned to this blog! It will address many of these topics in upcoming posts. Things that will help you feel less alone in the process, and hopefully, things that will help and encourage you to keep going strong! Feel free to reach out. Keep in mind, my single mama friends, we have a special private Facebook group just for you (and it's FREE). Stay connected - connection is the magic for surviving and thriving.
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