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Step Aside, Fear. It's Time For Faith To Lead.

I heard someone* say recently that they make every life decision with this question at the forefront:

am I making this decision out of fear or out of faith?


This was an AHA moment for me. This isn't a new message - but sometimes it hits you differently. Or it's said in a way you haven't heard it before and it just seems to resonate more deeply. I heard this at exactly the right moment to be a bit of a game changer.


When I stop and really look back at my life, I realize how many times fear has won. Many decisions made along my journey have been made out of fear. I've stayed within my comfort zone rarely stepping out... because of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of ridicule. Fear of rejection. Fear of making the wrong choice. And dare I add... fear of succeeding. Fear of my voice making a difference. Fear of achieving and moving further outside the safety of what I know. Perhaps it is not a terrible life to live - but I would argue, is it really LIVING?


In the last few years, I'd say I've pushed myself more and more out of fear-based decisions and into those where I have to have faith. Faith in myself. Some of this push came out of necessity after divorce. There were times I didn't have any other options but to step up and step out... doing things I definitely didn't feel confident in or have the skills to do. But guess what? I did those things. Learned a few lessons in doing things wrong (or the hard way). And watched my confidence in myself grow little by little.


I still struggle... in some areas more than others. I have not been afraid to try new creative ventures (art classes, pottery classes, woodworking classes, etc). I have not been afraid to try and fix my toilet flush system myself (I succeeded, by the way). I have not been afraid to buy a car on my own and a house on my own. I have not been afraid to make my feelings known to men I have dated since my divorce. I had help, yes. I had support and cheerleaders (even for the toilet task!). These things, I have been brave enough to step into and learn from. I have let fear win when it comes to doing things I love, by myself (hiking in the woods, going into a gym, meeting new people on large groups, letting go of people and patterns that haven't been healthy for me, confronting people and situations where my voice and opinion needs to be heard or boundaries need to be put in place for my own well-being).


As I try to look at the areas where I have been a little more "stuck", I am now recognizing what has been holding me in this place is fear. I have not have enough faith in myself or in something bigger (God, for me, but Universe, Source, Energy, Spirit for others). I have not had enough faith that things will work out or that better things are ahead of me than what I have left behind. Faith that even if I make the wrong step, it is still a step that will lead me somewhere different and open up doors for me that would not otherwise be open.


Even as I type this post, I find fear creeping in... pushing me to delete. Telling me my voice won't change anything and doesn't have enough to say. I've learned how to quiet this and block it out. To close my eyes for a minute and take a few deep breaths. To look inward and trust that using my voice, even if it is small and changes very little, will still have enough of a ripple effect that I will continue. I will hit "publish". I will do this thing messy and let the world hear my voice even if it shakes and doesn't get my message out as coherently as I would like it to be. Because having faith takes practice. And I choose to practice.


I choose faith over fear.




* Kathrin Zenkina @manifestationbabe

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